your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
