Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
