he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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