i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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