I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
