Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
