He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
