oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
