god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
