i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
