I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
