is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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