i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
