i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
