Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
