I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
