the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
