So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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