i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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