there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
