I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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