I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
