i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
