I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
