youre lurking in front of me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
