So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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