Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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