were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
