what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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