I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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