Christians are straight up FREAKS
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
