to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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