Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
