2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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