My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Congratulations! We have a period
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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