she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
