the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
