i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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