im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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