You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
