My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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