I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
