the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
