You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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