I think I died a long time ago.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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