Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
