3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
