I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
