this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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