Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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