you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i believe in u and ur pee
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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