If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am available for nakedness
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
