What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
