I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
