yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
